Confidence — one really tough customer to master.
If you’ve ever stood tentatively in front of an audience or felt like an impostor after being praised, I would place a wager those nagging feelings were rooted in a lack of confidence.
When you consider confidence building in the workplace — there are so many parables it would make your head spin. However, not one seemed to ring true for me, personally. How do you truly “believe” in yourself, in the workplace moments that matter?
But, I’ve stumbled on one viewpoint that hit home. In fact, it stopped me cold.
I don’t usually read fashion magazines. Yet, when I go to the salon, I often leave my phone at home and unplug. I thumb through Glamour, Vogue, Allure. (Trust me this is not my thing. I tend to read the advertisements and columns, not the fashion editorials.) One column, was by written in Glamour by Mindy Kaling. (I know, not a writer, a television actress.) However, she has managed to accomplish what few have in show business.
Here is what she said in response to this question: How did you build confidence? Her answer was direct. It was unapologetic.
It went something like this: Work very hard. Know your shit. Show your shit. Then feel entitled. (So sorry for the choice of words, they were hers.)
Confidence is rooted in mastery. In experiences. Confidence comes from building feelings of self-efficacy in a wide range of situations. It requires mentorship and guidance.
True confidence includes the notion that we are not entitled to rewards, simply because we desire them. Rewards come with time.
Confidence comes from working hard and learning from those around you. It requires patience and the belief that you can learn something from every single person and scenario. It is the deeper realization that you can handle the problems (and people) that stand before you.
Confidence is earned.
When you practice your craft — confidence is your entitlement. You should hope for great things and utilize that confidence to make great things happen.
And yes. Feel entitled to some measure of success.
We all needed that.
What are your thoughts about building confidence? Share them.
Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist, consultant and coach. She holds the role of Senior Consultant at Allied Talent, bringing the principles of The Alliance to organizations worldwide.