It’s a simple fact, that just like family, you can’t choose your co-workers. It’s also likely that at some point you will be forced to deal with seemingly erratic and mean-spirited individuals in the workplace. It’s tough to prepare for this scenario. When it does happen, most people are shocked and dismayed.
The co-worker that loves what has gone wrong with your day
One category of co-worker that really gets the blood pressure rising is the one who loves to dwell on your mistakes. “So sorry that presentation wasn’t a total home run.” they might comment. Or after witnessing a bit of a criticism directed at you they whisper, “Wow, that’s upsetting.” The behavior catches you off your guard. But take heart - this is a common reaction to this subtle type of workplace bullying. Most people aren’t able to react right in the moment.
They get under your skin
The memory of the interaction can get stuck on replay. But, you cannot allow this type of individual gain access to your stores of self-worth and start a negative internal script. Talk yourself through the situation with calm and clarity, and put the interaction where it belongs – out of play. Remember, they want to rattle you. That was the intention, so don’t feed into the negative loop.
Strategies to deal with unsolicited commentary
Your first reaction might be to duck around corners to avoid your offender, but you have to take on the attitude that you can handle any situation that comes your way. But, remember the goal should be to end the negative behavior all together and retain your dignity – not to sling an insult in return. Accept that you cannot change this person, only how you digest and respond to their behavior. You have to develop a method to deal with the madness.
Keep these points in mind:
- Don’t feel the need to defend yourself. Remember they are not the ultimate judge of your work. When all is said and done, only your supervisor’s opinion, and your own assessment really matter.
- Limit the “payoff” for their negative behavior. Stay calm and recite a calming mantra. Without the anticipated reaction from you, to be thrown off-kilter, the motivation to converse about your work is greatly reduced and the possibility of a repeat performance is lowered.
- Role play for the next time around. Change the entire dynamic with a new internal script. Re-play the scenario in your mind, but this time respond diplomatically to the comment. If you are armed with some quick responses, you can approach a similar situation with a bit more confidence
Some suggested responses:
- “I am glad you pointed that out – I’ll consider it.”
- “Is that how you saw it? I am actually very pleased with how things turned out.”
- “Thanks for your concern. “
So, the next time a co-worker shows an unhealthy interest in your blunders, take a moment to collect yourself and remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Thank them for their concern, assure them you are just fine and calmly walk away.
Dr. Marla Gottschalk is a Workplace Psychologist. Find her on Twitter and Linkedin.
